It Got Better

and by it, I mean life.

Today is the day I will be officially divorced (provided ex does his part and goes to the court house). Even though the physical process of "goin through a Big D" was quite simple (writing up papers, etc), the waiting was awful (six months in my state since we had no kids). For months, I have been nervously anticipating this day. Even though I wasn't to blame, I've gone through the catalogue of emotions, these being the big three:

Embarassment: How could I ever tell this to people I knew? Here I was, not even 25 and already "throwing the towel in." I could hear people's jaws smacking in the back of my head. I grew up Southern Baptist, and I felt shame and guilt for not upholding one of God's Covenants. But when the other person has already "left" the marriage and has no desire to work on it, what was I to do? Sit at home like a 50's housewife, drinking martinis and pretending like I didn't know my husband was screwing around? I don't think so.

Anger: For awhile there, I wanted to bust some windows out of his car, light a match to his mailbox, have my dad rough him up, punch his skank in the face. But somewhere along the way, I realized he didn't deserve so much energy. I figure since he and this woman don't seem to take commitment seriously (and since I do), they deserve each other! Even in the early stages, I knew in my heart that I was loveable, and lo and behold someone has come along who is completely trustworthy and is as crazy about me as I am him.

Peace and Contentment: I have built a life for myself in a new town. I wedged myself into the community, made a group of fantastic friends, and moved into the cutest little rental house. I overcame some fears (living on my own, traveling alone, cooking for one), and feel like this experience has made me more independent.

I used to dread finalization like the plague, terrified that I would have a crippling case of depression and wouldn't be able to get out of bed, but instead I am (dare I say it?) excited. It feels like once I cut this ball and chain officially off, my life will finally spin into a beautiful state of opportunity, adventure, and happiness. I will no longer tiptoe dangerously close to them, pulling toward them as a metal chain yanks me back. No, I will run free into the deep waters and let out a sigh that only my soul can muster.

If you're going through the Big D, rest assured (from someone who has been there) that it does get better. I can't tell you how long it will take for you to find the peace and contentment stage, but I promise you it is there. I am so thankful to be where I am now because my life isn't just better, it's at it's very best.

I Think March Got Confused...

In like a lamb, out like a lion? What is this? Just the same, I am thankful for:

#16 The 2-3 inches of snow hanging around outside my apartment. It's beautiful!

#17 A random snow day. I woke up this morning to the buzz of my cell phone and a two hour delay. When I woke up again two hours later, I was pleasantly surprised to find out we got a full out snow day! This break allowed me to spend the morning reading, cheerfully cleaning, and praying/Bible studying.

#18. I am thankful for different versions of the Bible. I read Corinthians 7 in The Message and found this verse:

"On the other hand, if the unbelieving spouse walks out, you've got to let him go. You don't have to hold on desperately. God has called us to make the best of it, as peacefully as we can."

I can't tell you how many times I've read Corinthians 7 over the past few months, and this verse in particular, but something about this translation really touched my heart and made me believe that I am handling my situation in the correct way.

#19. I am thankful for a good night's sleep. I feel so rested for the first time in awhile. I can't wait to get my new bed so I can sleep well every night!

#20. The Pioneer Woman's blog. Can I just say that I had no idea how to cook until I started reading her blog? She taught me SO MUCH about cooking. I'm not afraid to try new things now. Thanks Ree!

Here's to another Manic Monday! :)

#11-15

Happy Sunday! #11 I am thankful for Pepperidge Farm Cinnamon Swirl bread. Currently, this is the breakfast of choice for me. It is delicious. #12 I am forever grateful for my two siblings. I don't think they will ever know how grounded and sane they have kept me over the past twenty odd years. #13 I am thankful for my students. I desperately want children, and in the meantime they are a good substitute. Whenever I feel sad about not having my own family, I remember that God has entrusted me with 300 little buggers to teach, minister, and half-raise. Plus they make me laugh. and I LOVE to laugh. #14 I am grateful for church. I love starting my week off feeling uplifted and refreshed. #15 and along those lines, after church lunch with some of the best people you will ever meet.