After a lovely girl's day out (which filled my quota for this month), I came back to the apartment and started shuffling through the superfluous papers. I must admit: I'm a bit of a pack rat when it comes to papers. I have stories and poems from middle school (embarrassing!), and for whatever reason I still have my notes for protozoa. Umm, why? I don't know.
So tonight I threw it all away! or at least most of it. The embarrassing poetry, the crappy bio notes, the resume examples.
I expected to feel great about throwing out all this stuff. After all, Mr. J and I don't have a ton of space in our apartment. We've got to downsize (hence the goals about a yard sale and donations) if we want to live in the same place together. Instead of feeling accomplished, I felt really sad.
For the past four years, I've kept all of my papers in one of those giant plastic tubs that one might use to store winter sweaters. As I was riffling through, I ran across the scrapbook I won at B's (bff 1) bridal shower. At first I was ecstatic. I thought to myself self, you can use this scrapbook to document your college days. Then I started looking through the book, and I realized it only had 8 pages. Now, I know what you're thinking. 8 pages front and back = 16 opportunities for creative genius, but I was asking myself a very important question: how can I capture in 16 pages all of the memories I hold so fondly in my heart (yes, I'm corny as all get out tonight)?
I immediately IMed my brain (bff 2) and told her how I was feeling. She offered to come over and hash out four years of memories, but I told her it was getting late and I was planning on going to bed soon. Besides, I wanted to let the reality of graduation sink in to my head. I've been walking around in a cloud for the past few months. Graduation has seemed like this distant star, pretty but unattainable. Now it is here. In two weeks I will walk across the stage in the dell and receive my diploma. Holy hell!
For now, I will put the scrapbook back into my now lighter storage bin. I will wait until after graduation and perhaps even after the wedding to start my college scrapbook. If I start working now, I will worry about leaving my friends, and I'll never graduate. My family and Mr. J will have to carry me out of my apartment. But if I do it later after I've settled into my new life I'll be able to look back on my good times with laughter instead of tears.
For now, I'll stare into the great abyss wondering what will happen to my life and my friendships after May 17th.